Dear Kate,
by NancyErin
Summary: One-shot: Rick writes Kate a letter


Title: Dear Kate,

Author: NancyErin

Rated: none

Summary: Rick writes Kate a letter

A/N: English isn't my mother tongue. This one-shot popped into my head and I needed to write it! I partially got the idea to write this after watching a BONES episode =) If you're also a BONES fan you will see and understand!

It might not be the best letter ever written, but I still hope you like it. I'm sure the real Richard Castle would do it better justice.

And thank you ahead to all of those who will take their time and leave a review! Greatly appreciated!

Nancy

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**One shot**

Kate sighed. Things between Castle and her had never been on good terms. Too many differences between them. She couldn't quite pinpoint what it was exactly. They had been friends first, then partners, and then lovers; all of this within a span of four years. Over two years they have tried endless times being a couple, but every time they found their way to each other, something always disrupted them.

They were fighting, disagreeing with each other on end. Mainly because Castle wanted to have a child. She did too, but had never felt ready for it as yet. Her job always came first. She innerly knew it was the main reason why they had never made it, and deep down inside she felt bad for it. He deserved so much more. And despite all their differences they kept on holding onto each other for some unknown reason.

The shock struck her full-force when Castle fainted one day during an interrogation. He had been behaving weird for the past weeks. Kate, as well as the entire precinct, knew and felt that there was something different going on with Richard Castle.

The cause of the Castle's unconscious state: a tumor in the brain. It had been growing repeatedly and at an incredible speed at that. The doctors conclusion: no chemo and no surgery would help at this advanced stage.

Kate was furious. Though she wasn't sure whether she was more furious about learning that he was going to die soon or because he hid it from her (and the precinct, friends, family) the entire time. He was going to die. It was only a matter of time… two weeks, three weeks, a month, two months… the doctors couldn't tell. They gave him half a year at the most.

Tears were spilling down her face when she sat at the edge of his hospital bed. She wanted to scream, she wanted to yell, she wanted to hit him. She hated him. She loved him. It was dreadful seeing him so broken.

One week later she was able to take him home again. Was it her home too? She didn't know but she knew for Castle it was her home too. She was always welcome in _his_ home, because it was also _hers_.

A week before Castle passed away he had told her, albeit secretly and with a certain blush on either side of his cheekbones – Kate never pictured Castle as the shy-type – that he had made a sperm donor for her….

"_For when you're ready" _he had told her without flinching and gazing into her eyes with his deep blue eyes. _"When the time is right for you, Kate,…"_

He had left the sentence unfinished too weak to even speak the words, but she understood what he meant and more tears sprang into her eyes.

Now, almost a year after his death, she was busy moving into another flat. She needed a bigger place than the one bedroom apartment she owed. Everybody was there to help her. Her father, Martha, Alexis, Ryan, Esposito and Lanie. Her friends… all of her friends and family were here to help her get a new start into a new life. What was that new life going to bring her? She didn't know…

She gazed dreamingly down at the bulge growing on her midsection and caressed her hand softly over it. Her baby… Castle's and her baby. How much had she wanted to share the big news with him? How much did she want him to be there for her? To hold her? To love her? To tell her that no matter what he would always be there? But he wasn't there… not anymore… but part of him was now growing deep within her and Kate Beckett couldn't wait to meet the tiny little human being.

It was a boy… Was he going to have green or blue eyes? What was the color of his hair going to be? Was he going to inherit Castle's laid back attitude or her need-of-control attitude? She didn't know and she didn't care much. The only thing that mattered to her was that the baby was part of her and part of Castle. _His_ dream was finally coming true.

"Hey, girl!" Lanie unconsciously had startled her best friend. "Is everything okay?"

Kate nodded, "Yeah… sorry… I've been a little…uhm… overwhelmed, I guess."

Lanie flashed her a friendly and supportive smile. A brief moment of silence passed between the two best friends. A smile suddenly grew on Kate's features.

"He's moving around", Kate explained, running her hand protectively over the unborn child.

Without asking for permission, Lanie placed her hand across her friend's belly.

"How does it feel?"

Lanie feared (and also hoped) for that smile to never wash out of Kate's face again. She loved to see her friend happy.

"Weird and amazing at the same time."

They stood in silence, staring out the window and at the by passing traffic outside. The sun was shining and almost blinding them but nothing could shatter that calm moment between them. In the far away distance they heard the men filling up the moving van on the front porch. Lanie decided now was the best time to hand out what she had been withholding all this time.

"What's this?" Kate said holding a neatly folded paper in her hands.

"It's for you…" was all Lanie stated as she turned on her heels and left the empty apartment to catch up with everyone else outdoors.

Kate's eyes rested on the sheet for a while before she eventually unfolded the paper. It was a letter. From Rick. To her.

It was hand written. He hadn't typed it up on his computer but instead had opted for a more personal note to his writing.

* * *

_Dear Kate,_

_If you are reading this letter, that means that you have finally decided to move on. And whatever you decide, Kate, I want you to be happy. Don't ever regret moving on; even if it means without me. I might no longer be with you on one hand, but on the other I will always be with you. All you need to do is look into our child's eyes and I will be there with you._

_As I am writing these words down, I think of you, reading my note. You're pregnant with my baby and I am happy. It literally warms up my heart to know you are carrying my child. I will always have an eye on it. I promise. I will be its guardian angel forever._

_Is it a boy? Or is it a girl? You don't know yet? Well, it doesn't matter, because I know you will be an amazing mother. It also doesn't matter to me that we didn't get to make that baby the conventional way. You might think of it, I know that much, but the love we shared and had for another is really all that matters. It is our baby, Kate, and I am utterly thrilled._

_We might have had our differences but I have always loved you, Kate. I always will. I am sorry for the fights we have had. I am sorry for the heartache I have put you through… for pushing you when you weren't ready. But I am not sorry for loving you._

_You never believed in fate, soul mates, fairytales or miracles. New life is growing within you, Kate, and that's a miracle to me. And I would like to take a moment to thank you._

_Thank you for brightening up my life when I was at my lowest._

_Thank you for smiling every morning when I bring you a cup of coffee._

_Thank you for loving me_

_But most of all, thank you for having my baby._

_There will be times where you will feel alone. Times where you think that the world is being unfair to you. Don't let this get to you. You're the strongest person I have ever met. You are not alone. You have a family, and you have friends that love you._

_Mother loves you from the bottom of her heart. Alexis is going to be over the moon to have a new baby brother or baby sister. She will be amazing. Both will be._

_I am sure Espo has already proclaimed his title of "Uncle Javi", just like I am sure that Ryan and Jenny will be pleased to babysit whenever you need a break for a girl's day out with Lanie at a local spa._

_You are not alone, Kate. You might not be able to see me, but I am right here with you._

_I love you,_

_Always,_

_Rick_

* * *

A single tear dropped from her cheek and onto the paper she was holding. She watched as the salty liquid slowly made its way across the sheet, smearing the ink of Castle's handwriting. With her wrist she tried to minimize the damage to the paper before holding it tight against her chest. She stood for another while gazing out the window before turning around where her flat presented itself all empty in front of her. It was time for a new start… It hurt… It hurt so bad…

She remembered Castle's words. _Don't regret moving on_. But she was afraid to move on. The unknown scared her. Was she really going to be a good mother? Was she being selfish for wanting a child who was going to grow up without a father? So many questions swirled in her head that she failed to notice Lanie stepping up beside her.

"Ready?"

Kate gazed at her best friend. Lanie knew about the letter. She might not know what was written inside but she had known when to give it to her. Castle must have told her. Kate saw it in her eyes and Lanie didn't raise any question to her tear streamed face. She was a friend, standing by and always having a shoulder to lean on when needed.

"Yes… yes I am…"

_The End_

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A/N: I know I could go on and on and on, but decided to stop here anyway. It was meant as a one-shot after all. Thanks for reading and please review! You would make me VERY happy! =)


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